A couple of days ago on our walk, you ran around collecting feathers from a pile on the sidewalk and saying, “thank you bird!!!”
Suspecting that the bird you were thanking might in fact have fallen prey to a cat, I told you the feathers were kind of dirty and would have to be a treasure that stays outside.
“But they might get lost mama.”
Good point, so I offered to get you a special bowl so they would stay safely on the porch. “But the wind might blow them away out of the bowl.”
Good point again, so I offered to get a bowl with a lid.
“But the lid might blow off and then the feathers will be gone.”
Finally I showed you how the lid snapped on tightly and you were satisfied to leave your prized possessions in my best glass Tupperware that is now on the front porch. I was happy that we were able to communicate so well. I was able to hold my boundary but I think you still felt heard.
What a gift you are to me my brilliant, wild baby boy. You are so invested in the things that you love and committed to your own ideas. Thank you for putting up a fuss if you think I’m just dismissing you. Thank you for reminding me over and over that your little voice matters. You’re a strong advocate for yourself and it makes me smile to think of how well that will serve you later in life.
I’m sorry it sometimes makes me uncomfortable that you have such big opinions. I promise to try my best to honor what matters to you while also being strong enough to lead you. How do I teach you that you have power in your own life, but not so much power that it overwhelms you?
I’m committed to finding that balance and it’s a joy to have that be my life’s work.
But seriously, I will pay someone in the Berg to make the dead bird debris go away. Free Tupperware.
Last week I was feeling brave and silly and posted this picture of my laundry pile on Facebook.
Something kind of amazing happened after that. A lot of people commented, basically saying some of the world’s most comforting words. Things like:
me too, you’re not the only one, and is that all?
Even though we were just playing around, I think we all felt a little bit better and less crazy about our messes at the end of the day. It’s amazing how simply not feeling alone can shed some light into the dark corner of your mind reserved for the laundry pile.
Truthfully my life isn’t just about baskets of produce from the farmers market and smiling angel babies. Although sometimes it is. There is also a box of stale Cheez-its in the cupboard that didn’t make the cut for an Instagram photo.
I liked my confession so much that I think I’ll make it a Friday tradition. In the spirit of keeping it real, here is this week’s mess.
This is my shoe compartment.
“So long now I’ve been out
In the rain and snow
But winter’s come and gone
A little bird told me so”
-Gillian Welch song-
This is my first blog post and I’ll keep it short for now. I’m not sure what this space will morph into and I’m trying to leave it open for whatever it needs to become. I’m inspired by some of my blogging friends and the way they’re able tell their story in a bold way and they give me courage to tell my own (Brianna, Kayla, Mindi).
These days with babies are so fleeting but so important and I want to have a record of them. Also I want Pearl and Welly to be able to look back and see the shape of our days together and the things I thought about. I think we’re shaping the world with our ordinary days and the work of learning how to love these little ones.
About the ocean. Last week we took a family beach day and had the best time. It was one of those days that I think we’ll always remember.
Being there with my brand new daughter was extra special. The ocean is always a centering place for me if I let it be so I loved getting to introduce her to it. I promised her that we would make lots of memories together at the ocean.
This trip reminded me how far our family has come in such a short time. When Welly was six weeks old I was so full of anxiety that a trip like this wasn’t possible or enjoyable. This time I felt myself able to cope with the challenges and that was huge for me. It was our whole family out and about in the world after kind of holing up for awhile after the birth. A big postpartum party that involved starfish, fish and chips, coffee, hermit crabs, and just enough screaming from both car seats to keep us humble.